So-called friend

You're here to share in all the laughs
never here to help me through the cries
You really think that you've kept hidden
what's behind those shady, lyin' eyes

I'm there for you the second you call
and need a helping hand
I'm there for you to lean on
when you fear you cannot stand

But when the time presents itself
that I truly may need you
We never can connect the time
cause you have so much to do

So many things that I could bring up
but that's never been my way
The time is near, my so-called friend
when I'll have nothing else to say

Everyone has times I know
when they think of themselves first
But your "times" are every second, dear
for I fear this is your curse

One day you will wake up
and alone there you will stand
No one to help you through your times
no one there to take your hand

Because your selfishness is harsh
and I don't even think you see
That I am always there for you
yet you are never there for me

I have a family and a busy life
but made time with you to spend
Never did I turn my back
when you seemed to need a friend

And now the table sits reversed
and you are nowhere close in sight
It seems as though what others said
is what your proving right

You only are out for yourself
and so you truly are the "rule"
Not the exception as a TRUE friend
yet I shall not be made the fool

In silence and with dignity
I will simply walk away
A vow I make inside myself
To never again let you betray

You think right now since things for you are good
you can just cast me aside
And now I'm not included-
what, do you think I have no pride?

Well, seems as though you judged me wrong
my pride runs long and thick
The way you've changed and how you act
you truly make me sick

At least with me, I'm real
a friend through thick and thin
And now my eyes can see the fact
That's never what you've been

Shame on you for making me
believe you were my friend
But of that fact, I've rectified
and now we've reached the end.

People always amaze me with their blatant selfishness. I have such a child like naive soul, I suppose, in believing that people are what they seem. They rarely are. I truly have had to relearn this painful fact over and over and over again. I'm not ashamed of myself for not learning, cause its the good and decent and pure part remaining in my soul that keeps me believing.

I recently thought I made a new friend. I thought we bonded in many ways, on so many levels. I was warned by others to by leery, but I dove in- head first- into what I thought was a meaningful new friendship. And yes, yet again, I was proven wrong.

She started making new friends and just like that, I was seemingly replaced. I was there to help her through all of the roughest parts of her life and now that things are good for her, there seems to be no need to keep me in her "inner" circle. I'm actually confused and feel a bit foolish. I really believe that she now thinks that she is somehow better than me (at least that's how she is behaving on the rare occasions that we are around one another). Hell, she probably always felt that but never displayed it since I was of use to her. How pathetic. I proved time and time again what a true friend I was to her but often had problems feeling that was reciprocated, but I just ignored it. And now, here I sit, my so-called friend no where in sight.

I will not wallow in these feelings of pity, I really will not. I cannot and will not lose faith in people, or all for me will be lost. I have other friends, nonetheless, one of which is superb over ALL the rest, and I suppose that is truly all a girl really needs, right? I have my husband, who is truly my friend and three wonderful children.

I just had to take a moment to express this situation to rid it from my being so it does not bring my down. And I'm sure MANY others can relate. I'm saddened in a way that women can be so cruel, heartless and selfish. Yet, I hold fast to my belief that karma works wonders and I'll leave that to her fate.

A Jewel Within

The life of a free spirit is full of hidden treasures; and I am a jewel within. ~Sarah~

You are welcome to sit and judge me; though to me it seems absurd
Ask me what you want to know; and then tell me what you've heard

You may be the leader of your pack; and me, a simple stray
But the choices I have clearly made; I wouldn't change in any way

They may not have been the best; or just wrong you'll say they've been
But through the struggle I have found; in myself, a loyal friend

It may not be conventional; but it works for me just fine
Inside of myself resides a jewel; and you can never dull the shine

You can say I make wrong choices; or don't live the way thats right
But its me that lives inside my skin; each day and every night

So step out from behind my back; and I'll tell you to your face
That this is the life that makes me smile; and I'll live it at my own pace.

I have made many unconventional choices throughout the years. People have said many hurtful things, both behind my back and to my face. I've been told I've lived through enough to cover 10 lives in only 33 years. I acknowledge the things that set me apart from convention; whether that be the fact that I was a child runaway, teenage parent, a high school drop out, victim of domestic violence, had multiple marriages, lived in seven states and had a variety of secular jobs. I'm not afraid to put that out there. I have nothing to be ashamed of, I am proud of all that makes me who I am today. What is conventional anyway in this great game of "Life"? Stability may not have been my "gig", but stability in character most certainly always has been!

I am a free spirit, I live in the direction the wind blows, consumed by its energy. I am a kind, fair, decent person that never bothers anyone and have always been the first person people go to when they need help or unconditional love and understanding.

I have three boys that love me unconditionally and I believe they will never be afraid to change direction in their lives, always striving to live their lives fully and will never give up as I have never given up. I am proud to say that they are my friends and fantastic human beings.
I love the saying "Dream as if you'll live forever; live as if you'll die tomorrow". I just want to be respected and hopefully understood for choosing to live my life each day to the absolute fullest, never ever afraid to dream as large as my mind will expand and I hope to inspire those out there to take a chance in their lives as well.

There is a jewel within each one of us, mine sparkles bright and I honor that, I hope you will as well.